FILM REVIEWS

PRIMITIVE LOVE MONDO BALORDO

Starring Jayne Mansfield, Mickey Hargitay, and Boris Karloff.
Unrated, Something Weird Video, 2001.
DVD Reviewed By: Quin.

How the hell do you review a DVD with two movies on it and keep it short? And more importantly, how the hell do you review a Something Weird Video? Well, there is one thing that is for certain and that is anything released by Something Weird Video is best viewed in a large group...and stinking drunk. But I unfortunately opted for viewing this DVD both alone and sober. Make sure you keep that in mind while reading this review. Something Weird Videos start off with a montage of clips from some of their most popular releases. It looks cheap, but it's really cool. The look of their interactive menus on the DVDs are amazing. They have a very 50s look and contain catchy phrases like, "let's go to the drive-in!" This DVD's menu has a dashboard of a classic car, and you click on different parts of the radio to take you where you want to go. This I definitely like. It actually reminds me of the way Chris designs much of no-fi "magazine".

The first film on this DVD is called Primitive Love. It would best be described as primitive film making. Of course that is most likely the number one reason why someone would take this DVD home with them. The other reason is that it stars the buxom blonde bombshell Jayne Mansfield, Marilyn Monroe rival and linked to the church of Satan founder Anton LeVey. I've actually never seen any of her films and this sure wasn't a reason to see any others. (ON A SIDE NOTE: If you are interested, there is a great bio-pic about her and her Mr. Universe husband starring Loni Anderson and Arnold Shcwartezenflaghenatzeneggar...it's terrible but its great.) Well, anyway, if you aren't asleep yet, listen to this, Mansfield plays an Anthropologist (brilliant casting, huh?) and she is conducting an experiment with a hypothesis that all men really want is SEX. Shocking discovery!! The dialogue in the movie is dubbed into English from Spanish. There is a big portion (about 3/4) of this film that is nothing more than a National Geographic documentary, only it's Mondo style... and narrated by Jayne Mansfield. After the documentary footage, more wackiness ensues, but it's neither funny nor interesting.

The other movie on this DVD is called Mondo Balordo which means "crazy world". It makes sense that these two films were packaged together, because in Primitive Love, Jayne Mansfield was used to sell what was really the same kind of movie, a mondo documentary. This one's a "documentary" of crazy things that happen all over the world in "real life". One reason why you should definitely see this is because it is narrated by Boris Karloff of Frankenstien and How the Grinch Stole Christmas fame.

I've got to tell you, he sounds truly grateful to be doing anything in this movie. In this little film you get to witness for yourself everything from midgets to transvestites to a guy who is supposedly the reincarnated Rudolph Valentino. This actually pretty interesting stuff, so skip the Jayne Mansfield flick and go straight to this one. Sure it's exploitation, but it's at its best. The images and music are great. Karloff is great. The midget...er...little person is great!! There aren't a whole lot of extras on this DVD but there is one that recreates for you the experience of going to an actual drive-in movie...pre gang fights and stabbings. The extras then continue with a ton of trailers...everything from "Mondo Balardo" to "The Mating Urge" and "Women of the World". Other extras include a gallery of old movie posters, when they actually used art work to promote a film, and a must-see big haired beauty pageant that was clearly the inspiration for the Adventures of Priscilla Queen of the Desert. Check out this DVD, but watch it with your friends and get really drunk first, during, and after...it's worth the hangover.

-- (Quin is a staff writer for No-Fi "Magazine" and contributor to www.anxietyfilms.com)